mimitchigotchi: precure (Default)
 I hate when I'm incredibly blunt and my bf's mom reads in between lines when there's nothing to read.

It all started because I said I didn't want a cat and I hope if a cat was adopted when I move out. What part of that is that I know where I'm going and when and that a new roommate needs to be found?!?

Plus my bf's mom used voice to text and so much crap was sent that I couldn't even type direct answers to walls of text. It was too hard to keep up an on track conversion at all. It's probably one reason we both got confused to a degree. I ended up repeating the same thing or correcting her as she kept getting more weird interpretations from what I was attempting to explain. I just dug the hole deeper trying to explain crap that she already took the wrong way.

I can't deal with her speaking too fast in person. I can't deal with her doing voice to text. How on the God's green Earth can someone talk so quickly and listen to the other person at all? 

I got accused of not taking my meds and being delusional because I pretty much couldn't get anything typed in to explain anything before another wall of text came in. 

Accusing me of being delusional just because I'm schizophrenic doesn't make it true I guess?

P.S. On another note. I tried to tell her that the independent living idea was only an option for a dire emergency (which isn't happening right now) and wasn't even an option anytime soon as my name isn't on the waiting list. Why the heck does that translate to me moving into independent living when the lease is up? Why is she so prone to conclusion jumping and not listening to anything first?

I guess she's so worried about me moving out and her having to potentially pay more money that everything I was trying to say was not translating? I told her if I decide to go anywhere first I would tell her as soon as I knew. What is there not to understand?
mimitchigotchi: shampoo from ranma is annoyed (shampoo annoyed)
Note: Some of this was mentioned in a previous post however I've had time to think and write more properly.

Oh... It is making sense now... I told my bf's mom that I didn't want her in my room while we were putting up the bed frame and cleaning. She said she wasn't in it and stood in the doorway instead being a pest. She is always looking for dirt on me to make herself feel good. My boyfriend said not to worry about it because she's literally looking for things to cause trouble about and that I don't actually do anything that merits 'dirt'.

She gave me a cook book when we moved in and started raging over it being in my room when I only took it to be polite. Of course this was before I knew how narcissistic and petty she was. She said it was special to her or whatever and that I never used it and I shouldn't have it. She may have legit forgotten giving it to me or just wanted to cause issues. Either way, don't give people your special stuff.

Also just to note that she was extra snarky about me not cooking. She acts like me only helping my bf cook when he visits means that I'm lazy and not good enough for her son. At least my bf understands it's because she makes me too uncomfortable to even use the kitchen without him being there. 

Then she accused me of taking a framed photograph of my bf during the move. Which is bogus because even if he gifted it to her, he took it long before we even moved into the apartment and he gave it to me instead. So now she's saying I stole it even though it has been gone longer than she even said. If she cared about it so much she should have noticed it missing before. I'm sure it stings that he would rather me have it than her too. I would feel bad about it but she didn't give him much reason to want her to have it.

Also I referred to my stuff as garbage while cleaning because I call my collection that as a meme kinda joke cause it's mostly anime related and can be viewed as a cringe hobby to a lot of society. She immediately tried to swoop in saying that if I didn't want it that she would take it.

At some point during the process, she said to put all of my small and scattered stuff on her bed because the living room was full, which is dumb because it really wasn't much and only there temporarily. It got put there unfortunately by her being so pushy and later I flat out refused to go in her room to get them. I told her it wasn't my room and I didn't feel comfortable in there. So she tried to interrogate me. I told her I didn't need to give her a reason and that I was uncomfortable so that should be enough. 

I gather upon further thought that she likely was trying to use the you can go in my room so I should be able to go into yours logic. As in there's nothing to hide. I'm not hiding anything. It's my personal space and I don't want anyone or anything that makes me uncomfortable in it.

Also, she went to work today and returned shortly after. I hope that she didn't flat out quit the job or get fired. She barely makes it on two part time jobs. Her family pays most of her portion of her living expenses. I feel like they might have cut her off already if I wasn't living with her. Oma talked me into moving in with her so maybe she feels somewhat responsible. I appreciate them helping both of us. They literally aren't obligated.

I try to see things from other people's point of view. It's hard for me to view things in a narcissistic, paranoid, and vindictive manner when it's not how I operate. I can try and sympathize with her having mental illness but only so much. When someone is not taking their meds and actively taking part of therapy to help themselves, others tend to give up trying to help them. Not everyone needs medicine and therapy. If you do though it's not a weakness. If you work with it then it's a strength. It shows that you can do well despite a disability of sorts.
mimitchigotchi: my melody sanrio (melody trapped)
I get that Chris's mom hates me because I'm happy and she is jealous. Which is fine, I don't care what she thinks. I just wish that she wouldn't pester me because she hates herself, she can't get close to her son, and her life is miserable and instead take care of herself seriously and not try to sabotage everyone else. She is also angry that I don't stoop to her level so that she can rub my name through mud. Some people aren't worth getting upset over. Unfortunately not being able to get away from a pest is annoying but eventually I won't have to be around her.
mimitchigotchi: precure (star)
 It sucks when a person gives you an item a year ago then forgets and says that you stole it. I didn't want my bf's mom's cookbook and only accepted it to be polite at the time but I didn't know I was dealing with a vindictive and petty person.

Plus my bf gave me a photo that I didn't even know was given to her first instead. I've kept it and cared about it of course. I got blamed though. If I wasn't immediately profiled as a thief I wouldn't mind returning it and just printing a new photo of him. Instead of asking me about it I was immediately attacked. 

I would like to be reasonable and respectful about things. Instead I automatically get attacked without being communicated with. A lot of issues come from her not saying anything.

I feel that she could benefit from medication and taking therapy seriously. Now that a person at her work said she seems like she doesn't need medicine she's all about that and it definitely shows in her personal life even if not directly in her professional life.

She said I'm on too much medication which I suspect is to label me as a junkie. I actually communicate with my doctor's and I try to be as proactive about my mental health as I can. I'm mandated to comply with my medical care because of I don't I can become a danger to myself or others due to schizophrenia. I don't have the luxury to decide if I want care or not. 

I am disgusted by her leaving an empty booze bottle in my room after harassing me and Chris while we were working on putting up a bed frame and cleaning. We didn't want her help and she said I was in the way with various beat around the bush implications. 

I'm not trying to be better than her or whatever she thinks I'm trying to do. I don't know. I can only jump to conclusions because she lacks communication skills. Everyone is on a different place with their life journey. No ill will to her but I hope she gets herself together and starts thinking about her future. 
mimitchigotchi: precure (Default)
People who say they'll help with something then when they finally are asked for help all the unsolicited favors that they did that were never needed, wanted, or asked for are the reason they don't have to help. Especially sucks when it's the rare time that help is actually asked for since it's not easily avoidable. 

I'm going to have to ask my social worker to help pick up my meds since I fractured something in my ankle and my bf's mom decided to instead of just saying no to make a big deal about it. I can't even afford a boot to keep it stable so it'll probably heal all wrong. I'm sure that my roommate is overjoyed that I fell down the stairs to begin with. Probably wishes that it was far worse.

Also, the thing my bf and I asked for help with, which was picking up my medicine, which she said over and over she was willing to help with was one of the reasons she was angry.

The other thing was complaining about not being able to set up her TV or something. Now she has to watch stuff on her phone. I have no idea how to fix it but she's got my Internet password for free so whatever. She shouldn't even have that in my honest opinion. Better for her to be entertained by TV than torturing people I guess. 

She did the dishes once this month that I know of. My bf helped when he visited because of my ankle. Plus I've been having bad constipation for 3 weeks, the last week of which I have not been able to poop. I've tried Miralax, suppositories, and stool softener the past 2 days. I hope some works. 
mimitchigotchi: mamegoma san-x in space (space mamegoma)
Update on the ER visit.

They didn't give me my psyche meds or much of them at all. (For testing reasons.) Just missing 2 days I went into a full on psychosis and thought I was gonna go live with my mom cause I had little time left. So, I went to the rental office confused and derped up the lease.

I can't go with my mom. As nice as it sounds, she still intends to move out of the area. Meaning... I would not be able to see my bf as much and maybe strain things in our relationship. 

I know my bf's mom is a drama llama but I kinda have to be here. I can't afford anything on my lonesome. The independent living place wouldn't let my bf there as much. I just hope so much that my bf gets together.

My bf needs to look into taking driving classes. Once that is done and he passes he will be able to hopefully find a job. I am praying so hard. I don't know what the universe is up to lately. But I know this: Psyche meds are important to take correctly.

Also... cardiologist, hematologist, gastroenterologist, dermatologist, and a mammogram???? I can't escape. I'm a professional patient. Id better get to calling places.

Also, I caught a stomach bug at the ER. I'm still recovering from that but thankfully I've not vomited again. It was awful.

Also, my TamaTomo pen pal and super friend sent me a cute Maskutchi plushie. I should probably post it on my Instagram. I need to get a photo that I like.
mimitchigotchi: my melody sanrio (melody trapped)
I asked my mom to move back in with her after talking it over with my boyfriend. He finally agrees with me. I'm waiting for her response since I think she's at work but I'm fairly sure she'll agree.

I ALMOST signed the new lease today. I was so close to being potentially screwed over. But my roommate? Oh boy...

She came into the living room being strange to me and my boyfriend and passed out in the living room floor. We got her to bed and she came out later acting weird again. Now, I didn't smell booze on her. I don't know if she took her meds wrong or at all. I really honestly don't know why she was being so bizarre. She was chanting strange things. She kept saying she was gonna marry her son, whom I'm dating. She was talking bad about me again right to my face. 

I know she's having a crap time over her loser ex or whatever but we've practically spoon fed her all the information on how to get actual serious help for herself and she doesn't do anything to help herself. I'm sorry but I just can't deal with that anymore. My boyfriend and I even started hanging out in the living room so she would be less lonely and not feel like crap over her ex. We legitimately were trying to help. We both just can't with her anymore.

Plus my recent chest tightness needs to be checked out. I'm asking about a referral or recommendation tomorrow at the hematologist. She's not my primary care but maybe she can help.
mimitchigotchi: my melody sanrio (melody trapped)
 My bf's mom treats me like I don't even exist. She doesn't share room in the fridge, freezer, or kitchen sink. She took the boxes off of a bunch of my food items in the freezer and threw them away to cram more stuff in the fridge. Heaven forbid she ever throw away her left overs. My boyfriend and I have to clear rotting food from the fridge far too often. At least the unopened fish sticks still have a box with instructions. 

I get no respect at all. I don't feel that I can ask her for space reasonably without an attitude. I told her the apartment is smoke free when we moved in because her boyfriend was smoking weed and she didn't even try to stop him and gave me an attitude instead. If she can't obey rules set by a landlady then why listen to me? (Don't get me started on her multiple arrests since she's been here...)

I know she was under psychosis from medication at some point but she really had no filter. She definitely thinks I'm a fat, ugly, lazy whore. She actually said that because she is able to work a job, though the majority of our year here she was unemployed strung out on Adderall, that I should clean the entire house. That's probably why I ended up having to do her and her boyfriend's dishes the whole year I've been here up until recently when I had carpal tunnel surgery. After that I quit doing it and now everything is a mess. I was told by her mother and my boyfriend that it was my fault for enabling her to treat me like garbage. Yes, maybe, but that doesn't mean my roommate is not treating me like trash.

I am on disability. I don't have the ability to work a regular job nor do I have the academics to do a sit at home job. I have a learning disability and only could pass some of my GED. My meds make me lethargic and spaced out. I'm on over 20 prescriptions.

Not only do I have PTSD, autism, and schizophrenia, but I have physical problems. I have a screwed up sciatic nerve, degenerative disk disease in my back, and my knees need replaced but they can't because of my weight which is screwed up from metabolic issues. Due to my mental health they denied gastric bypass. I'm trying to find a doctor for other options because I'm at risk for diabetes, Heath disease, and all kinda other crap. I have literal atrophied muscles from all the pain keeping me from walking regularly. I can no longer walk off my weight like I used to. Heck, I'm up all night some nights hurting.

Then there is someone privileged enough to function at a job that can not take care of themselves at all in their private life. Always jealous of others. Needing to feel love and be the center of attention. A spoiled princess that unfortunately gets everything handed to her so she never learns anything. The consequences to her actions are never harsh enough to try harder at anything in her life.

I really don't mind cleaning me or my boyfriend's dishes and wiping our mess from counters and the floor or microwave. After all he helps cook and stuff. I mind every time I turn around gunk is smeared all over the counters and stove and dishes are piled up days on end if I don't clean them. I don't even get any thanks or recognition unless my boyfriend is there to hear it. 

Don't even get me started with dirty laundry being hoarded for weeks then given to her elderly mother to wash. She can't just ask to use the washer and do it herself. No, she uses her mother. 

She uses her daughter's death for sympathy. She's narcissistic and twisted. It's extremely sad and heart wrenching. It's sad that her daughter would self harm and eventually die from heart problems a few years after an overdose caused her to need a pacemaker.

I'm literally miserable. I don't mean to lash out at anyone. But it's a roof over my head for now. Such is the repercussions of being on fixed income with my own problematic mother to run from.

Welp. Oof.

Dec. 27th, 2024 05:47 pm
mimitchigotchi: shampoo from ranma is annoyed (shampoo annoyed)
I learned a new thing. If I don't do my roommate's dishes there are none for me to eat off of. So... I bought groceries that don't require more than spoons or forks. Cause I've got my own spoons and forks. Is this oppression? XP

Also... My bf seems to have gotten peeved because I disobeyed his orders without thinking of his feelings. So that's how he was so angry. 

Also, oma forgot to tell opa we were using the car yesterday and that's why he left unknowingly to anything.

I also don't think I'll try and get my bf to go to my family functions anymore. He's made it VERY apparent that he wants nothing to do with them. I wish that he could get along with them but it just isn't happening. So... Cause his feelings I'm not pushing anymore. 
mimitchigotchi: my melody sanrio (melody trapped)
Having one hand unavailable from surgery sucks. Especially when my food that I can make one handed is microwavable and somebody decided to make a giant mess in the microwave that I can't clean and leave it. 

I haven't been able to pick up my nerve pain medicine or allergy meds. I feel awful. I couldn't take my allergy meds a week before my surgery so now my head is full of liquid and it hurts badly after almost 2 weeks without it. 

This is all my fault though cause I chose to live with inconsiderate jerks. On the other side though living with my mom is worse in different ways. So either way I'm screwed cause I can't afford my own place being freaking disabled. 

I wish that I could have a normal life. It irritates me when people who are privileged to be able to function are entitled or lazy. It also makes me upset when people don't understand that just cause a person isn't literally in a wheelchair doesn't automatically make them able to function. Everyone is different.

A thing that one can do to help a disabled loved one is educate themselves on the disability their loved one has and try and understand how to help them or interact with them. My grandpa for instance didn't get it at first with the autism but after learning more about it later on he became more understanding and didn't push me beyond my limits and worked with me on how to function with limits the best I could. 

Also, how did my bf's mom not know I'm autistic? Why did she compare my autism to one of her friend's autistic children? It doesn't go away when you grow up nor should an adult be compared to a child like that...
mimitchigotchi: shampoo from ranma is annoyed (shampoo annoyed)
Well, my bf and I cleaned his mom and her boyfriend's garbage leftovers and expired crap from the fridge. After that, we took the shelves out and cleaned them and cleaned the inside of the fridge. This could have been avoided if his mom and her bf would have cleaned up as they went like responsible adults.

I've been practically the only person ever doing dishes. As usual it all gets thrown in the sink and if I don't do it the mess will pile up so I'm forced to.

This evening she was complaining that she cleaned her room and threw away or donated some of her hoarded mess and that she is the only one who cleans. Yes, you should be the person who cleans after yourself. She even said she needs an award for all she does and that she's the oldest in the apartment and should be able to retire.  Even retired people clean after themselves. She should be glad she's not incapacitated in a nursing home. 

She also was going on about cooking the Thanksgiving dinner that I got from the food bank and how it was such a bother to cook all the time. She harassed me the other day and pushed me into agreeing to having a sandwich. She's always bothering me to eat her and her boyfriend's cooking and then tries to use it against me later. After Thanksgiving I'm not going to let her cook a thing for me. I thought maybe it was a mental health thing and that with her antipsychotic she might be decent. No. Still a manipulative, lazy, narcissist.

She actually tried to add me to Facebook again. Declined with no hesitation. 

I will admit, she cleans the bathroom and sweeps/vacuums her area on rare occasion. But most of the time she sits there and watches TV and makes messes with her bf. If everyone just cleaned up after themselves, things wouldn't get so overwhelming.

Also how in God's name did she NOT KNOW that I'm autistic? Not that it would change anything.  She still will treat me like trash either way.

And her saying it's nice to come home to clean dishes kinda peeves me off. It sure must be! 

Also, she's mooching with no job or income still.
mimitchigotchi: shampoo from ranma is annoyed (shampoo annoyed)
I need to not only be left in my room 24/7 without being interacted with the majority of the time, but also time where I'm home totally alone to leave my room and do things that I'd like to do like cook or even just feel comfortable enough to open my door for air. 

I'm an introvert and on top of that I have autism. I don't want to interact with anyone unless I'm ready. 

I usually have my one safe person that I'll allow in my space for an extended period of time. Even then, I need a little alone time to recharge now and then.

Having a loud and obnoxious kind of person living with me like my mom before or my boyfriend's mom is NOT easy for me. People telling me that it's not that bad and that I'm making my own problems isn't helpful in the slightest. 

My brain is wired differently as a neurodivergent person. I may WANT to be normal and not be bothered by things, but that requires rewiring how I think entirely and it's not easy as just changing my mind or ignoring things that bother me and carrying on.

So, when I say it's a living hell for me to live with certain people, it literally is for me. Especially when they have different morals or don't take care of themselves and expect me to pick up the slack when I'm barely qualified to take care of myself. 

Like, literally. I'm just independent enough to not be thrown into a group home. I can't deal with taking care of anybody else's crap. 

My boyfriend, some freaking way, despite his problems is my safe person. Maybe he's the only person I can be full blown autistic around. I don't know. 

I wish he had a job. I need to get away from people that I'm extremely restrictive of myself around. I can't be myself. I just can't. I have to lock up so I'm not weird all over the place and self conscious or triggered or start getting all nervous and stimming and dropping dishes or accidently muttering to myself cause I'm trying to think so hard about what I'm doing. 

My brain isn't normal. I feel like I'm literally insane.
mimitchigotchi: shampoo from ranma is happy (shampoo)
Hello. Good evening I guess. 

My boyfriend visited  few days. His mom is in jail right now until I think the 17th to do her sentence because her DUI. She got charged before her schizophrenia diagnosis but I kinda think they might have took that into consideration later. I don't know. Hopefully they give her the meds she's on regularly. I'm pretty sure that jail isn't the best for keeping inmates very.... healthy.

I don't want her coming back to the apartment during any kind of psychosis.

Also, I'm extremely introverted. I need literal alone time with nobody even home. This feels nice.  I wish that I could afford to live alone whilst waiting for my boyfriend to get his crap together.
mimitchigotchi: my melody sanrio (melody trapped)
My bf's mom traumatized the crap out of me then is expecting to be chummy after professional rehabilitation. I'm sorry, but I can't magically forget her transgressions. I can understand why she did some things she did and try and sympathize with it, but no, I honestly can't just forget the torment and I don't want to be anywhere near her at this time.
mimitchigotchi: my melody sanrio (melody trapped)
My bf's mom is out of the psychiatric hospital. She still seems kinda odd. Maybe out of it? She wasn't acting like she was seeing or hearing things. The people working there said the Adderall caused her to be psychotic. She likely took too much again...

I'm staying at my bf's grandparent's until Monday cause we're celebrating Octoberfest. I won't be drinking but I'll take some nice German food. Yum.
mimitchigotchi: shampoo from ranma is annoyed (shampoo annoyed)
Things change so fast.

So, my roommate has contact with oma, which I didn't know about. She said her bf can stay here cause she'll be out of the hospital tomorrow. I still think in general he shouldn't be in here if she's not. 

At least I got to use the kitchen to make a meal and learn more about cooking at my own pace one freaking time in this apartment the entire time I've been here so far. I can't brush up on skills cause there's never hands on use of the kitchen cause I'm busy hiding from two not so nice to be around people. Plus I don't want to cook for my boyfriend and it taste like butt. I need practice. Alone. I can't gain skills that I can't practice.
mimitchigotchi: precure (Huohuo)
Yeah... My roommate's bf's PS5 still in the living room. Plus  instead of my roommate's bedroom door shut as closed as possible with stuff hanging over the door, the door has now moved to a more open position from last I saw it. I'm definitely not alone.
mimitchigotchi: my melody sanrio (melody trapped)
I can't sleep and it's almost 5am. I didn't hear my roommate's boyfriend leave since he came in a little after 11pm. The lights that I had on were turned out and my roommate's door is pulled to as much as it can be with tons of clothes hanging over it. His food wasn't moved from the fridge so I don't think he packed up and left. I don't think I'm alone in the apartment. He shouldn't be in here while my roommate is gone. Especially if I don't trust him. Out of respect I honestly wouldn't want to have my bf over without me home in the apartment. He's her son but still. Not like he wants to be here either way. I don't blame him. I honestly don't want to either but where else an I gonna go for the most part.
mimitchigotchi: shampoo from ranma is annoyed (shampoo annoyed)
My roommate's bf has a key. He's supposed to be getting his stuff and leaving. I figured he'd knock cause it was made clear that he needed to leave cause oma told him he isn't to be here. Neither me nor my roommate wanted him here in the current situation. My roommate isn't able to tell him to go away since she's currently in the hospital so oma let him know. He is using the TV in the other room. Plus I think he's been here since nobody has been here the past 3 or 4 days cause water on the shower curtain and a moist bar of soap. How am I going to sleep with this guy in my apartment alone with me?!?!? He gives me the creeps. Now I'm uncomfortable.
mimitchigotchi: mamegoma san-x in space (space mamegoma)
So, my boyfriend's mom is FINALLY in the behavioral health hospital.  It was a long time coming.  Full on delusional. Paranoid. Hearing stuff. Seeing things.  I have schizophrenia myself, so if she has it I wouldn't at all be surprised.  When I was in the psyche facility for other behavior, not the schizophrenia, I saw people with it and was super intimidated by some of them. 

Also, I found out that she's been carrying around a knife. Pretty unsettling.  Before my bf and Oma came to pick me up, his mom closed us both in my room.  I'm glad that I didn't do anything too quickly or say the wrong thing. I mean, I've been pretty terrified of her...
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