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Hello, I'm Mimitchigotchi.
I'm a millennial NEET that escaped her narcissistic mother. I'm terribly anxious about literally everything and I am perpetually melancholy.
I moved in with my boyfriend's mom and he lives with his grandparents. Complicated, yes, but I love him a lot.
I am a trauma survivor and kinda autistic.
Note: Some of this was mentioned in a previous post however I've had time to think and write more properly.
Oh... It is making sense now... I told my bf's mom that I didn't want her in my room while we were putting up the bed frame and cleaning. She said she wasn't in it and stood in the doorway instead being a pest. She is always looking for dirt on me to make herself feel good. My boyfriend said not to worry about it because she's literally looking for things to cause trouble about and that I don't actually do anything that merits 'dirt'.
Oh... It is making sense now... I told my bf's mom that I didn't want her in my room while we were putting up the bed frame and cleaning. She said she wasn't in it and stood in the doorway instead being a pest. She is always looking for dirt on me to make herself feel good. My boyfriend said not to worry about it because she's literally looking for things to cause trouble about and that I don't actually do anything that merits 'dirt'.
She gave me a cook book when we moved in and started raging over it being in my room when I only took it to be polite. Of course this was before I knew how narcissistic and petty she was. She said it was special to her or whatever and that I never used it and I shouldn't have it. She may have legit forgotten giving it to me or just wanted to cause issues. Either way, don't give people your special stuff.
Also just to note that she was extra snarky about me not cooking. She acts like me only helping my bf cook when he visits means that I'm lazy and not good enough for her son. At least my bf understands it's because she makes me too uncomfortable to even use the kitchen without him being there.
Also just to note that she was extra snarky about me not cooking. She acts like me only helping my bf cook when he visits means that I'm lazy and not good enough for her son. At least my bf understands it's because she makes me too uncomfortable to even use the kitchen without him being there.
Then she accused me of taking a framed photograph of my bf during the move. Which is bogus because even if he gifted it to her, he took it long before we even moved into the apartment and he gave it to me instead. So now she's saying I stole it even though it has been gone longer than she even said. If she cared about it so much she should have noticed it missing before. I'm sure it stings that he would rather me have it than her too. I would feel bad about it but she didn't give him much reason to want her to have it.
Also I referred to my stuff as garbage while cleaning because I call my collection that as a meme kinda joke cause it's mostly anime related and can be viewed as a cringe hobby to a lot of society. She immediately tried to swoop in saying that if I didn't want it that she would take it.
At some point during the process, she said to put all of my small and scattered stuff on her bed because the living room was full, which is dumb because it really wasn't much and only there temporarily. It got put there unfortunately by her being so pushy and later I flat out refused to go in her room to get them. I told her it wasn't my room and I didn't feel comfortable in there. So she tried to interrogate me. I told her I didn't need to give her a reason and that I was uncomfortable so that should be enough.
I gather upon further thought that she likely was trying to use the you can go in my room so I should be able to go into yours logic. As in there's nothing to hide. I'm not hiding anything. It's my personal space and I don't want anyone or anything that makes me uncomfortable in it.
Also, she went to work today and returned shortly after. I hope that she didn't flat out quit the job or get fired. She barely makes it on two part time jobs. Her family pays most of her portion of her living expenses. I feel like they might have cut her off already if I wasn't living with her. Oma talked me into moving in with her so maybe she feels somewhat responsible. I appreciate them helping both of us. They literally aren't obligated.
I try to see things from other people's point of view. It's hard for me to view things in a narcissistic, paranoid, and vindictive manner when it's not how I operate. I can try and sympathize with her having mental illness but only so much. When someone is not taking their meds and actively taking part of therapy to help themselves, others tend to give up trying to help them. Not everyone needs medicine and therapy. If you do though it's not a weakness. If you work with it then it's a strength. It shows that you can do well despite a disability of sorts.
Also I referred to my stuff as garbage while cleaning because I call my collection that as a meme kinda joke cause it's mostly anime related and can be viewed as a cringe hobby to a lot of society. She immediately tried to swoop in saying that if I didn't want it that she would take it.
At some point during the process, she said to put all of my small and scattered stuff on her bed because the living room was full, which is dumb because it really wasn't much and only there temporarily. It got put there unfortunately by her being so pushy and later I flat out refused to go in her room to get them. I told her it wasn't my room and I didn't feel comfortable in there. So she tried to interrogate me. I told her I didn't need to give her a reason and that I was uncomfortable so that should be enough.
I gather upon further thought that she likely was trying to use the you can go in my room so I should be able to go into yours logic. As in there's nothing to hide. I'm not hiding anything. It's my personal space and I don't want anyone or anything that makes me uncomfortable in it.
Also, she went to work today and returned shortly after. I hope that she didn't flat out quit the job or get fired. She barely makes it on two part time jobs. Her family pays most of her portion of her living expenses. I feel like they might have cut her off already if I wasn't living with her. Oma talked me into moving in with her so maybe she feels somewhat responsible. I appreciate them helping both of us. They literally aren't obligated.
I try to see things from other people's point of view. It's hard for me to view things in a narcissistic, paranoid, and vindictive manner when it's not how I operate. I can try and sympathize with her having mental illness but only so much. When someone is not taking their meds and actively taking part of therapy to help themselves, others tend to give up trying to help them. Not everyone needs medicine and therapy. If you do though it's not a weakness. If you work with it then it's a strength. It shows that you can do well despite a disability of sorts.
Living with a pest.
Apr. 9th, 2025 09:39 amI get that Chris's mom hates me because I'm happy and she is jealous. Which is fine, I don't care what she thinks. I just wish that she wouldn't pester me because she hates herself, she can't get close to her son, and her life is miserable and instead take care of herself seriously and not try to sabotage everyone else. She is also angry that I don't stoop to her level so that she can rub my name through mud. Some people aren't worth getting upset over. Unfortunately not being able to get away from a pest is annoying but eventually I won't have to be around her.
It sucks when a person gives you an item a year ago then forgets and says that you stole it. I didn't want my bf's mom's cookbook and only accepted it to be polite at the time but I didn't know I was dealing with a vindictive and petty person.
Plus my bf gave me a photo that I didn't even know was given to her first instead. I've kept it and cared about it of course. I got blamed though. If I wasn't immediately profiled as a thief I wouldn't mind returning it and just printing a new photo of him. Instead of asking me about it I was immediately attacked.
I would like to be reasonable and respectful about things. Instead I automatically get attacked without being communicated with. A lot of issues come from her not saying anything.
I feel that she could benefit from medication and taking therapy seriously. Now that a person at her work said she seems like she doesn't need medicine she's all about that and it definitely shows in her personal life even if not directly in her professional life.
She said I'm on too much medication which I suspect is to label me as a junkie. I actually communicate with my doctor's and I try to be as proactive about my mental health as I can. I'm mandated to comply with my medical care because of I don't I can become a danger to myself or others due to schizophrenia. I don't have the luxury to decide if I want care or not.
I am disgusted by her leaving an empty booze bottle in my room after harassing me and Chris while we were working on putting up a bed frame and cleaning. We didn't want her help and she said I was in the way with various beat around the bush implications.
I'm not trying to be better than her or whatever she thinks I'm trying to do. I don't know. I can only jump to conclusions because she lacks communication skills. Everyone is on a different place with their life journey. No ill will to her but I hope she gets herself together and starts thinking about her future.
I am disgusted by her leaving an empty booze bottle in my room after harassing me and Chris while we were working on putting up a bed frame and cleaning. We didn't want her help and she said I was in the way with various beat around the bush implications.
I'm not trying to be better than her or whatever she thinks I'm trying to do. I don't know. I can only jump to conclusions because she lacks communication skills. Everyone is on a different place with their life journey. No ill will to her but I hope she gets herself together and starts thinking about her future.
TW: The entity that hijacked my body.
Mar. 30th, 2025 10:05 pmTrigger Warning.
So... At a young age I was brainwashed that girls/women needed to be skinny or they were disgusting and undesirable. In my early 20s I started starving myself because I overate with depression in high school. I finally could wear cute stuff and have self esteem cause of my looks. Sadly to me my looks were everything...
I destroyed my metabolism fasting and restricting so much that I gained lots of weight when I started to eat again. Plus my meds (probably the psyche ones) didn't help with keeping off the weight.
I tried to walk it off and eat right but couldn't get to a normal weight from the destruction of my metabolism. I decided that since the only people that were allowed to be overweight were successful males I started parading as a boy trying to get bigger in the fighting game tournament community. I was not ever good enough to really compete with the top players and I got depressed.
My boyfriend at the time wanted to be with a women, not the abomination I turned into from me fat shaming myself. I was another person. I gave up my cute cosplays and infatuation with hello kitty and collecting things adorable to embrace some kind of toxic masculinity that I was convinced was normal for men. Most guys I had known till then were just toxic and I copied it.
People from the transgender community tried to convince me even further into changing myself. I was supposed to be a girl just under cover at first because of my disgust in my own femininity not being perfect and giving up being girly... So, the transformation destroyed my relationship and I literally snapped.
I took my entire pill case of medicine. I had recently been put on Adderall without really knowing much about it because I complained that I couldn't focus on my video games and that I wanted to be good at tournaments. The lack of focus was not ADHD. I don't have ADHD. It was just me mentally cracking. The meds could have killed me. They could have made me a vegetable. But I didn't think about that.
I had a really bad Adderall trip. I didn't sleep days. I don't remember much. I feel bad for my ex... God. I remember he said to me specifically that he hadn't loved me for years. Those words called to the depths of the girl I was that loved him and worshipped the ground he stood on. So she literally broke then. Even in a literal delusion out of reality it sunk to my very soul.
I woke up in the hospital.
I felt like I was me again at some point while there. I don't know how. But it was too late. The me that was hidden was already given up on. I understand why he felt that way about me. I just felt like someone else was at the wheel. Someone else pushed us apart that hijacked my body.
I have a boyfriend again. I sometimes can't believe that he loves me even though I'm fat. But I can't think on that too much. I don't want whatever that entity was back in my body.
So... At a young age I was brainwashed that girls/women needed to be skinny or they were disgusting and undesirable. In my early 20s I started starving myself because I overate with depression in high school. I finally could wear cute stuff and have self esteem cause of my looks. Sadly to me my looks were everything...
I destroyed my metabolism fasting and restricting so much that I gained lots of weight when I started to eat again. Plus my meds (probably the psyche ones) didn't help with keeping off the weight.
I tried to walk it off and eat right but couldn't get to a normal weight from the destruction of my metabolism. I decided that since the only people that were allowed to be overweight were successful males I started parading as a boy trying to get bigger in the fighting game tournament community. I was not ever good enough to really compete with the top players and I got depressed.
My boyfriend at the time wanted to be with a women, not the abomination I turned into from me fat shaming myself. I was another person. I gave up my cute cosplays and infatuation with hello kitty and collecting things adorable to embrace some kind of toxic masculinity that I was convinced was normal for men. Most guys I had known till then were just toxic and I copied it.
People from the transgender community tried to convince me even further into changing myself. I was supposed to be a girl just under cover at first because of my disgust in my own femininity not being perfect and giving up being girly... So, the transformation destroyed my relationship and I literally snapped.
I took my entire pill case of medicine. I had recently been put on Adderall without really knowing much about it because I complained that I couldn't focus on my video games and that I wanted to be good at tournaments. The lack of focus was not ADHD. I don't have ADHD. It was just me mentally cracking. The meds could have killed me. They could have made me a vegetable. But I didn't think about that.
I had a really bad Adderall trip. I didn't sleep days. I don't remember much. I feel bad for my ex... God. I remember he said to me specifically that he hadn't loved me for years. Those words called to the depths of the girl I was that loved him and worshipped the ground he stood on. So she literally broke then. Even in a literal delusion out of reality it sunk to my very soul.
I woke up in the hospital.
I felt like I was me again at some point while there. I don't know how. But it was too late. The me that was hidden was already given up on. I understand why he felt that way about me. I just felt like someone else was at the wheel. Someone else pushed us apart that hijacked my body.
I have a boyfriend again. I sometimes can't believe that he loves me even though I'm fat. But I can't think on that too much. I don't want whatever that entity was back in my body.
People who say they'll help with something then when they finally are asked for help all the unsolicited favors that they did that were never needed, wanted, or asked for are the reason they don't have to help. Especially sucks when it's the rare time that help is actually asked for since it's not easily avoidable.
Also, the thing my bf and I asked for help with, which was picking up my medicine, which she said over and over she was willing to help with was one of the reasons she was angry.
The other thing was complaining about not being able to set up her TV or something. Now she has to watch stuff on her phone. I have no idea how to fix it but she's got my Internet password for free so whatever. She shouldn't even have that in my honest opinion. Better for her to be entertained by TV than torturing people I guess.
She did the dishes once this month that I know of. My bf helped when he visited because of my ankle. Plus I've been having bad constipation for 3 weeks, the last week of which I have not been able to poop. I've tried Miralax, suppositories, and stool softener the past 2 days. I hope some works.
I'm going to have to ask my social worker to help pick up my meds since I fractured something in my ankle and my bf's mom decided to instead of just saying no to make a big deal about it. I can't even afford a boot to keep it stable so it'll probably heal all wrong. I'm sure that my roommate is overjoyed that I fell down the stairs to begin with. Probably wishes that it was far worse.
Also, the thing my bf and I asked for help with, which was picking up my medicine, which she said over and over she was willing to help with was one of the reasons she was angry.
The other thing was complaining about not being able to set up her TV or something. Now she has to watch stuff on her phone. I have no idea how to fix it but she's got my Internet password for free so whatever. She shouldn't even have that in my honest opinion. Better for her to be entertained by TV than torturing people I guess.
She did the dishes once this month that I know of. My bf helped when he visited because of my ankle. Plus I've been having bad constipation for 3 weeks, the last week of which I have not been able to poop. I've tried Miralax, suppositories, and stool softener the past 2 days. I hope some works.
Got a stress test at the ER.
Feb. 6th, 2025 10:48 pmUpdate on the ER visit.
They didn't give me my psyche meds or much of them at all. (For testing reasons.) Just missing 2 days I went into a full on psychosis and thought I was gonna go live with my mom cause I had little time left. So, I went to the rental office confused and derped up the lease.
I can't go with my mom. As nice as it sounds, she still intends to move out of the area. Meaning... I would not be able to see my bf as much and maybe strain things in our relationship.
I know my bf's mom is a drama llama but I kinda have to be here. I can't afford anything on my lonesome. The independent living place wouldn't let my bf there as much. I just hope so much that my bf gets together.
My bf needs to look into taking driving classes. Once that is done and he passes he will be able to hopefully find a job. I am praying so hard. I don't know what the universe is up to lately. But I know this: Psyche meds are important to take correctly.
Also... cardiologist, hematologist, gastroenterologist, dermatologist, and a mammogram???? I can't escape. I'm a professional patient. Id better get to calling places.
Also, I caught a stomach bug at the ER. I'm still recovering from that but thankfully I've not vomited again. It was awful.
Also, my TamaTomo pen pal and super friend sent me a cute Maskutchi plushie. I should probably post it on my Instagram. I need to get a photo that I like.
They didn't give me my psyche meds or much of them at all. (For testing reasons.) Just missing 2 days I went into a full on psychosis and thought I was gonna go live with my mom cause I had little time left. So, I went to the rental office confused and derped up the lease.
I can't go with my mom. As nice as it sounds, she still intends to move out of the area. Meaning... I would not be able to see my bf as much and maybe strain things in our relationship.
I know my bf's mom is a drama llama but I kinda have to be here. I can't afford anything on my lonesome. The independent living place wouldn't let my bf there as much. I just hope so much that my bf gets together.
My bf needs to look into taking driving classes. Once that is done and he passes he will be able to hopefully find a job. I am praying so hard. I don't know what the universe is up to lately. But I know this: Psyche meds are important to take correctly.
Also... cardiologist, hematologist, gastroenterologist, dermatologist, and a mammogram???? I can't escape. I'm a professional patient. Id better get to calling places.
Also, I caught a stomach bug at the ER. I'm still recovering from that but thankfully I've not vomited again. It was awful.
Also, my TamaTomo pen pal and super friend sent me a cute Maskutchi plushie. I should probably post it on my Instagram. I need to get a photo that I like.
Oh no. Not this again.
Jan. 28th, 2025 09:22 pmI asked my mom to move back in with her after talking it over with my boyfriend. He finally agrees with me. I'm waiting for her response since I think she's at work but I'm fairly sure she'll agree.
I ALMOST signed the new lease today. I was so close to being potentially screwed over. But my roommate? Oh boy...
She came into the living room being strange to me and my boyfriend and passed out in the living room floor. We got her to bed and she came out later acting weird again. Now, I didn't smell booze on her. I don't know if she took her meds wrong or at all. I really honestly don't know why she was being so bizarre. She was chanting strange things. She kept saying she was gonna marry her son, whom I'm dating. She was talking bad about me again right to my face.
I know she's having a crap time over her loser ex or whatever but we've practically spoon fed her all the information on how to get actual serious help for herself and she doesn't do anything to help herself. I'm sorry but I just can't deal with that anymore. My boyfriend and I even started hanging out in the living room so she would be less lonely and not feel like crap over her ex. We legitimately were trying to help. We both just can't with her anymore.
Plus my recent chest tightness needs to be checked out. I'm asking about a referral or recommendation tomorrow at the hematologist. She's not my primary care but maybe she can help.
This increased Zoloft is helping. Holy crap. Maybe it was a chemical imbalance. I thought I was suffering situational depression. I kept picking for potential reasons I was depressed in my environment. Welp. My environment is more tolerable recently plus being on the higher dose makes it even more tolerable. I should feel the full effect in a month or so but it's already a lot better.
Recent lore post.
Jan. 2nd, 2025 08:47 pm My bf's mom treats me like I don't even exist. She doesn't share room in the fridge, freezer, or kitchen sink. She took the boxes off of a bunch of my food items in the freezer and threw them away to cram more stuff in the fridge. Heaven forbid she ever throw away her left overs. My boyfriend and I have to clear rotting food from the fridge far too often. At least the unopened fish sticks still have a box with instructions.
I get no respect at all. I don't feel that I can ask her for space reasonably without an attitude. I told her the apartment is smoke free when we moved in because her boyfriend was smoking weed and she didn't even try to stop him and gave me an attitude instead. If she can't obey rules set by a landlady then why listen to me? (Don't get me started on her multiple arrests since she's been here...)
I know she was under psychosis from medication at some point but she really had no filter. She definitely thinks I'm a fat, ugly, lazy whore. She actually said that because she is able to work a job, though the majority of our year here she was unemployed strung out on Adderall, that I should clean the entire house. That's probably why I ended up having to do her and her boyfriend's dishes the whole year I've been here up until recently when I had carpal tunnel surgery. After that I quit doing it and now everything is a mess. I was told by her mother and my boyfriend that it was my fault for enabling her to treat me like garbage. Yes, maybe, but that doesn't mean my roommate is not treating me like trash.
I am on disability. I don't have the ability to work a regular job nor do I have the academics to do a sit at home job. I have a learning disability and only could pass some of my GED. My meds make me lethargic and spaced out. I'm on over 20 prescriptions.
Not only do I have PTSD, autism, and schizophrenia, but I have physical problems. I have a screwed up sciatic nerve, degenerative disk disease in my back, and my knees need replaced but they can't because of my weight which is screwed up from metabolic issues. Due to my mental health they denied gastric bypass. I'm trying to find a doctor for other options because I'm at risk for diabetes, Heath disease, and all kinda other crap. I have literal atrophied muscles from all the pain keeping me from walking regularly. I can no longer walk off my weight like I used to. Heck, I'm up all night some nights hurting.
Then there is someone privileged enough to function at a job that can not take care of themselves at all in their private life. Always jealous of others. Needing to feel love and be the center of attention. A spoiled princess that unfortunately gets everything handed to her so she never learns anything. The consequences to her actions are never harsh enough to try harder at anything in her life.
I really don't mind cleaning me or my boyfriend's dishes and wiping our mess from counters and the floor or microwave. After all he helps cook and stuff. I mind every time I turn around gunk is smeared all over the counters and stove and dishes are piled up days on end if I don't clean them. I don't even get any thanks or recognition unless my boyfriend is there to hear it.
Don't even get me started with dirty laundry being hoarded for weeks then given to her elderly mother to wash. She can't just ask to use the washer and do it herself. No, she uses her mother.
She uses her daughter's death for sympathy. She's narcissistic and twisted. It's extremely sad and heart wrenching. It's sad that her daughter would self harm and eventually die from heart problems a few years after an overdose caused her to need a pacemaker.
I'm literally miserable. I don't mean to lash out at anyone. But it's a roof over my head for now. Such is the repercussions of being on fixed income with my own problematic mother to run from.
Welp. Oof.
Dec. 27th, 2024 05:47 pmI learned a new thing. If I don't do my roommate's dishes there are none for me to eat off of. So... I bought groceries that don't require more than spoons or forks. Cause I've got my own spoons and forks. Is this oppression? XP
Also... My bf seems to have gotten peeved because I disobeyed his orders without thinking of his feelings. So that's how he was so angry.
Also, oma forgot to tell opa we were using the car yesterday and that's why he left unknowingly to anything.
I also don't think I'll try and get my bf to go to my family functions anymore. He's made it VERY apparent that he wants nothing to do with them. I wish that he could get along with them but it just isn't happening. So... Cause his feelings I'm not pushing anymore.
Also... My bf seems to have gotten peeved because I disobeyed his orders without thinking of his feelings. So that's how he was so angry.
Also, oma forgot to tell opa we were using the car yesterday and that's why he left unknowingly to anything.
I also don't think I'll try and get my bf to go to my family functions anymore. He's made it VERY apparent that he wants nothing to do with them. I wish that he could get along with them but it just isn't happening. So... Cause his feelings I'm not pushing anymore.
Thinking before I speak would be best.
Dec. 26th, 2024 04:53 amWelp. I can't sleep as usual cause my hip hurts. I'm probably gonna have to totally exhaust myself before I can sleep like this. I got a lot on my mind either way.
At least my mom picked me up from the apartment to hang out just us a while. Spending the night is okay. The couch isn't...
Apparently I need to learn everything the hard way. I don't know how I can screw up wording so badly that it dominos out of control and everyone gets out of order but I need to learn to keep my mouth shut if I can't formulate the correct wording to not peeve people off.
Sure, I might have not meant to offend, that's never on my to do list, but I still opened my trap. I need to learn to apply this to all similar situations too.
Probably best safe that I distance myself from certain people a while. I really feel awful. I missed Christmas with my brother and sister in law and nephew. I'm glad that they don't seem angry...?
But my boyfriend's neck of the woods? As much as I hate the general vibe of my living arrangement and want out of there when I can, I can't be going over to see my bf and his grandparents a while.
I hope I find a psychologist soon... Not having my meds would cause even more problems on top of the ones I already got. Not feeling safe at home isn't gonna pan out well if I get paranoid delusions that make things worse.
At least my mom picked me up from the apartment to hang out just us a while. Spending the night is okay. The couch isn't...
Inferiority...
Dec. 25th, 2024 07:54 pmI have no self esteem, a lot of worry, and an extreme inferiority complex. Any time I make a mistake, especially with a loved one involved, I automatically feel awful for it and think of the worst punishment that could happen and feel like it literally is happening. Maybe it's a symptom of PTSD. I dunno. I'll start rambling and catastrophizing and panicking. My mind wanders off thinking that I'd be best not even existing because I feel like I'm a total burden.
I'm very sad. It's my fault as usual.
Dec. 25th, 2024 06:21 pmI ruined Christmas for me and my family. I accidently got my boyfriend in trouble for asking his oma when his opa might be back with the car to get an update to my family potentiality on why we were so late. My boyfriend had told me to just wait but my anxiety and worry took over so I felt compelled to ask. Unfortunately, opa took that as rushing, which wasn't even my intent and he is very angry at my boyfriend now even though it's my fault. So... Instead of taking me to Christmas with my family he took me back to the apartment where I stay with his mom and I'm sitting here just alone and depressed. I texted my mom, brother, and sister in law asking if I can maybe be picked up from my residence.
Update: Mom might get me to go eat dinner and spend the night once my brother and them leave. I just need to calm down to go. I don't want to be crying and emotional over crap ruining it for my mom.
Update: Mom might get me to go eat dinner and spend the night once my brother and them leave. I just need to calm down to go. I don't want to be crying and emotional over crap ruining it for my mom.
Pain sucks.
Dec. 23rd, 2024 04:39 pmI hate chronic pain. I don't want attention brought to myself because of it. It's embarrassing. I'm not pretending I hurt for attention. I don't want to be embarrassed by being weirdly limping and breathing heavy and crap. Especially in public. And especially around idiots that say I'm a liar. My boyfriend said it's fake. He even said my schizophrenia and disassociative identity disorder is fake. I must be with him because I hate myself.
Having one hand unavailable from surgery sucks. Especially when my food that I can make one handed is microwavable and somebody decided to make a giant mess in the microwave that I can't clean and leave it.
I haven't been able to pick up my nerve pain medicine or allergy meds. I feel awful. I couldn't take my allergy meds a week before my surgery so now my head is full of liquid and it hurts badly after almost 2 weeks without it.
This is all my fault though cause I chose to live with inconsiderate jerks. On the other side though living with my mom is worse in different ways. So either way I'm screwed cause I can't afford my own place being freaking disabled.
I wish that I could have a normal life. It irritates me when people who are privileged to be able to function are entitled or lazy. It also makes me upset when people don't understand that just cause a person isn't literally in a wheelchair doesn't automatically make them able to function. Everyone is different.
A thing that one can do to help a disabled loved one is educate themselves on the disability their loved one has and try and understand how to help them or interact with them. My grandpa for instance didn't get it at first with the autism but after learning more about it later on he became more understanding and didn't push me beyond my limits and worked with me on how to function with limits the best I could.
Also, how did my bf's mom not know I'm autistic? Why did she compare my autism to one of her friend's autistic children? It doesn't go away when you grow up nor should an adult be compared to a child like that...
Soapsuds and trouble.
Dec. 5th, 2024 01:56 amStaying the night before carpal tunnel surgery with my mom and...
I'm allergic to blue and green body soaps and household cleaner dyes and things with bleach. Mom cleaned the tub with something unknown but she also uses soap I'm allergic to in general. (Blue Coast which I googled.) Something irritated my skin. After my bath my body was very swollen and itchy. I can't take any antihistamines 7 days prior to surgery. I'm literally rolling around in my own private itch hell and I can't sleep. Surgery is a few hours from now.
I'm allergic to blue and green body soaps and household cleaner dyes and things with bleach. Mom cleaned the tub with something unknown but she also uses soap I'm allergic to in general. (Blue Coast which I googled.) Something irritated my skin. After my bath my body was very swollen and itchy. I can't take any antihistamines 7 days prior to surgery. I'm literally rolling around in my own private itch hell and I can't sleep. Surgery is a few hours from now.
Someone sure could think about gratitude.
Nov. 28th, 2024 02:35 amWell, my bf and I cleaned his mom and her boyfriend's garbage leftovers and expired crap from the fridge. After that, we took the shelves out and cleaned them and cleaned the inside of the fridge. This could have been avoided if his mom and her bf would have cleaned up as they went like responsible adults.
I've been practically the only person ever doing dishes. As usual it all gets thrown in the sink and if I don't do it the mess will pile up so I'm forced to.
This evening she was complaining that she cleaned her room and threw away or donated some of her hoarded mess and that she is the only one who cleans. Yes, you should be the person who cleans after yourself. She even said she needs an award for all she does and that she's the oldest in the apartment and should be able to retire. Even retired people clean after themselves. She should be glad she's not incapacitated in a nursing home.
She also was going on about cooking the Thanksgiving dinner that I got from the food bank and how it was such a bother to cook all the time. She harassed me the other day and pushed me into agreeing to having a sandwich. She's always bothering me to eat her and her boyfriend's cooking and then tries to use it against me later. After Thanksgiving I'm not going to let her cook a thing for me. I thought maybe it was a mental health thing and that with her antipsychotic she might be decent. No. Still a manipulative, lazy, narcissist.
She actually tried to add me to Facebook again. Declined with no hesitation.
I will admit, she cleans the bathroom and sweeps/vacuums her area on rare occasion. But most of the time she sits there and watches TV and makes messes with her bf. If everyone just cleaned up after themselves, things wouldn't get so overwhelming.
Also how in God's name did she NOT KNOW that I'm autistic? Not that it would change anything. She still will treat me like trash either way.
And her saying it's nice to come home to clean dishes kinda peeves me off. It sure must be!
Also, she's mooching with no job or income still.
I've been practically the only person ever doing dishes. As usual it all gets thrown in the sink and if I don't do it the mess will pile up so I'm forced to.
This evening she was complaining that she cleaned her room and threw away or donated some of her hoarded mess and that she is the only one who cleans. Yes, you should be the person who cleans after yourself. She even said she needs an award for all she does and that she's the oldest in the apartment and should be able to retire. Even retired people clean after themselves. She should be glad she's not incapacitated in a nursing home.
She also was going on about cooking the Thanksgiving dinner that I got from the food bank and how it was such a bother to cook all the time. She harassed me the other day and pushed me into agreeing to having a sandwich. She's always bothering me to eat her and her boyfriend's cooking and then tries to use it against me later. After Thanksgiving I'm not going to let her cook a thing for me. I thought maybe it was a mental health thing and that with her antipsychotic she might be decent. No. Still a manipulative, lazy, narcissist.
She actually tried to add me to Facebook again. Declined with no hesitation.
I will admit, she cleans the bathroom and sweeps/vacuums her area on rare occasion. But most of the time she sits there and watches TV and makes messes with her bf. If everyone just cleaned up after themselves, things wouldn't get so overwhelming.
Also how in God's name did she NOT KNOW that I'm autistic? Not that it would change anything. She still will treat me like trash either way.
And her saying it's nice to come home to clean dishes kinda peeves me off. It sure must be!
Also, she's mooching with no job or income still.
Autistic, Introverted and frustrated.
Nov. 14th, 2024 11:54 pmI need to not only be left in my room 24/7 without being interacted with the majority of the time, but also time where I'm home totally alone to leave my room and do things that I'd like to do like cook or even just feel comfortable enough to open my door for air.
I'm an introvert and on top of that I have autism. I don't want to interact with anyone unless I'm ready.
I usually have my one safe person that I'll allow in my space for an extended period of time. Even then, I need a little alone time to recharge now and then.
Having a loud and obnoxious kind of person living with me like my mom before or my boyfriend's mom is NOT easy for me. People telling me that it's not that bad and that I'm making my own problems isn't helpful in the slightest.
My brain is wired differently as a neurodivergent person. I may WANT to be normal and not be bothered by things, but that requires rewiring how I think entirely and it's not easy as just changing my mind or ignoring things that bother me and carrying on.
So, when I say it's a living hell for me to live with certain people, it literally is for me. Especially when they have different morals or don't take care of themselves and expect me to pick up the slack when I'm barely qualified to take care of myself.
Like, literally. I'm just independent enough to not be thrown into a group home. I can't deal with taking care of anybody else's crap.
My boyfriend, some freaking way, despite his problems is my safe person. Maybe he's the only person I can be full blown autistic around. I don't know.
I wish he had a job. I need to get away from people that I'm extremely restrictive of myself around. I can't be myself. I just can't. I have to lock up so I'm not weird all over the place and self conscious or triggered or start getting all nervous and stimming and dropping dishes or accidently muttering to myself cause I'm trying to think so hard about what I'm doing.
My brain isn't normal. I feel like I'm literally insane.
Roommate in jail....
Nov. 12th, 2024 04:36 pmHello. Good evening I guess.
My boyfriend visited few days. His mom is in jail right now until I think the 17th to do her sentence because her DUI. She got charged before her schizophrenia diagnosis but I kinda think they might have took that into consideration later. I don't know. Hopefully they give her the meds she's on regularly. I'm pretty sure that jail isn't the best for keeping inmates very.... healthy.
I don't want her coming back to the apartment during any kind of psychosis.
Also, I'm extremely introverted. I need literal alone time with nobody even home. This feels nice. I wish that I could afford to live alone whilst waiting for my boyfriend to get his crap together.
My boyfriend visited few days. His mom is in jail right now until I think the 17th to do her sentence because her DUI. She got charged before her schizophrenia diagnosis but I kinda think they might have took that into consideration later. I don't know. Hopefully they give her the meds she's on regularly. I'm pretty sure that jail isn't the best for keeping inmates very.... healthy.
I don't want her coming back to the apartment during any kind of psychosis.
Also, I'm extremely introverted. I need literal alone time with nobody even home. This feels nice. I wish that I could afford to live alone whilst waiting for my boyfriend to get his crap together.
